| where does it all go from here? |
[Apr. 20th, 2008|10:31 pm] |
so life at the jedi is just amazing, i dont think i could of asked for a better family than what i have now. the bonds we have created can never be broken. maybe bruised a little but they will always heal.
ive done alot of thinking the past couple of days. where was i a year ago?....was i happy with who i surrounded myself around, my living situation n all things of that sort? and the answer was a big fat NO. its nice to think now i do things on my own terms not what others find to be right or wrong. ive definatley made a 360 in my life. i am back to being self sufficient and independent. obsiously like everyone else on the planet at times i can still feel unwanted or just insignificant. but as the day ends and a new one beings those feelings fade away.
so much has changed even just in the past month and a half. i think with every day that goes by i learn a little bit more about myself and who i really want to be. i like where i am now alot. i couldnt ask for more. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2008|11:03 pm] |
so the count down beings 9 days to my life being settled again, well maybe i guess thats all something that we will see.
since December i have had 12398120938 different plans on where my life was going, what im doing and such. im happy that something in my life has worked out. things have been kosher...not spectacular. nothing to whine or complain about (bc mainly i have my awesome friends who keep me.......sane????) i guess i just want something to come into my life that will make my socks fly off with excitement.......and something that doesnt have to do with getting the cops called on me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 22nd, 2007|10:54 pm] |
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i refuse to converse with you, you make me want to vomit. |
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| stick team |
[Oct. 16th, 2007|10:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cursive-sierra | ] |
so life has been point blank................AMAZING
as much as people may think this is all a front, im sorry loves its not! i havent felt so wonderful and excited in a very very very very long time,. i dont feel so .......up tight, or anything just sitting back and letting it all come one day at a freaking time.
friday went to jon and Ricardo's ( i told you id write about you one day) had a few beers, few laughs
saturday went to the rents did some laundry went home met up with summer & revill <3 went to a show up at uconn drank mad beers in the car, summer and i had a sing a long on the way home.went our separate ways ...after that was fun too but no need to talk about it ;)
sunday i went to megs new apartment and i played with my favorite baby ever....
watched some wet hot American summer tonite at spencers im buying that movie this weekend, one think from my past i can not live without.
bar tomorrow night with the girls
saturday NJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
friday i think im getting my car which im super excited about i cant wait to not pay a million dollars on gas weekly
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 7th, 2007|07:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  silly | ] |
f'in awesome weekend
crazy kids, beers, keg stands, beer pong, getting drawn all over...then the marker not coming off..., falling asleep on the couch waking up on the hardwood floor.
the past few weeks have been nothing but great id have to say not one bad night that i have gone out for. krystal told me i was becoming a social butterfly ha imagine that one.
ive had alot of time to think and i am happy for everything that has happened over the past few weeks. hey i guess everything really does happen for a reason. i guess i just didnt see it like that at the time.
this week should be pretty awesome too. :0) |
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| im not you, im just me |
[Oct. 4th, 2007|08:44 pm] |
so life has been fun and interesting....been going out having a good time ( not too much of a good time) but just right. ive been doing a lot of laughing and just feeling real good about how I want things. i feel like i have a say in what happens in my life, it hasn't felt like that for a while. but alot of it was because i enabled myself to become so dependent.
i want creeps to stop.........! i dont want to date you. i really dont have that desire right now to do that.
do believe that there is only one person that i would put that exception to..and thats only if it was to happen. and if that was to happen i would want me to stay ME . but thats too much thinking for right now on that subject.
so i foubnd a car, i just need the money to fix mine so i can trade it in. its only like 7000...better gas mileage and cheaper payments .. hey im down. i need to go shopping badly. none of my clothes fit me!
Lame survey!
~If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be:
brass knuckles
~I have an irrational fear of:
becoming an old cat lady
~What type of food do you eat at your grandparents house?
weird food
~What weight were you when you were born?
7 8
~What would you do if you were stranded on an island with the person you hate most?
id take the brass knuckles from my doll set and beat them
~Do you stalk anyone on MySpace?
if theres a need to stalk they aren't worth my time, so no
~I find the thought of childbirth:
ehh doesn't bother me
~Next door to my house is:
a fence
~My preferred style of jeans is:
ones that fit
~Why is your #1 your #1?
bc he is
~Know how to cook?
barely
~I am annoyed with:
creeps
~What sea creature scares you?
eels
~What color hair do most of the people you are around have?
brown
~Name one of the Spice Girls.
sporty
~What was the last thing to make you cry?
emotions
~My favorite shoes are:
chucks and rocket dogs & flip flops
~Can you use chopsticks?
yesum
~Do you prefer beaches or forests?
beaches
~What serial killer do you find most disturbing.
they are all freaks
~Who knows a secret or two about you?
Krystal
~Have you ever burned yourself?
too many times, im not too sllick with the flat iron
~Who is/are your hero[s]?
my momma
~Do you believe in magic?
yes, i just wish some magic would happen to me
~What are you listening to?
30 rock
~Are you married?
hahaha NOOOOOOOOOOOOo
~Do you have any bad habits?
absolutely! mainly awesome
~Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
not really
~What's your favorite color?
green
~Have you ever been stuck in an elevator?
not stuck
~What does your dad call you?
pange
~What are you looking forward to?
having fun this weekend
~How are you today?
im here
What hurts right now?
nothing
What are you doing tomorrow?
work, going out???? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2007|06:38 pm] |
im sick ugh....i cant sleep nor eat. it all started happening on friday at work....oh happy birthday to me.
ive been doing alot of thinking the past few days. i just lost an amazing person in my life and he will always and forever have a place in my heart. i took alot of what we had for granted. i always just wanted more. i dont know more of what but thats all i knew. i took alot out of him. this is going to be a rough one to get over. i really dont know where to place where i am at right now though so its hard to put things into perspective. is it a "break" or a "break up" or "just get out of my life forever"?i can only assume things but i have been doing that alot lately and ive done nothing but welll.....make and ass out of myself. so i will steer away from doing that and just take this all one day at a time its all i really can do at this point.
anyways, went to agave for my birthday (or as summer calls it algave) it was a good time. to be honest i was overwhelmed, greatly. i love everyone who was there but there were so many of them, i didnt want to talk to someone too much or too little so i made a horrible choice of not talking at all.but after that extravaganza me jena franny and jena friend (steve?? maybe) went on with our travels. on to downtown southington to a couple of bars it was a good time had so good i had to be driven home.
saturday me and jena went to pick up my car after i was able to be in a car without getting sick. i ran a few errands then met up wwith jena we did some eating shopping and watched a couple of movies.
today was my family party ..it was insanity just like my family :0) but a good time had my sisters made me this cute poster for me. they are adorable. now im home making a cake and cleaning .....ooo what fun!
i bought the reel big fish cd, amazing! definatley put me into a better mood and some of the songs are just hysterical, if you like them get it, even if not, get it |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2007|05:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  loved | ] |
so as i conclude a crappy day at work talking to old cranky people. i come home, sigh bc i know my room is a huge mess thats just calling my name. i go to the mail box and theres a box there waiting for me from no other than my wonderful momma. i've been thinking about her all day with today being her surgery. i open it with anticipation. and theres a care package just for me! it had pens and life savers and a collection of panda bears. they are called the Pandafords . so adorable. the letter that came with made me cry it was so .......cute just like her. still calls me her pc (practice child forever i will be dubbed). its so nice to know that you are thought of and loved......as much as you know it somedays it just makes your world for a little bit more love. <3 |
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| <3 did you know im crazy about this kid |
[May. 14th, 2007|11:28 pm] |
Ooh you make me live
Whatever this world can give to me
It's you you're all I see
Ooo you make me live now honey
Ooo you make me live
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine and I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
Oh
Ooo you make me live
Ooh I've been wandering round
But I still come back to you
In rain or shine
You've stood by me, girl
I'm happy at home
Ooo you make me live
Whenever this world is cruel to me
I got you to help me forgive
Ooo you make me live now honey
Ooo you make me live
You're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I love the things
I really love the things that you do
Ooo you make me live
I'm happy at home |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 29th, 2007|03:13 pm] |
why is this world full of hypocritcal people?
this is what i have seen latley. im so sick of it. if you see that your friend did something and say how shitty it was then you go off and you do it your self...are you not thinking or is it that your to busy being selfish not to think about someone who has been there for you? what is wrong with the world today war, drugs, aids, death, being unfaithful...
from the time i was a kid my dad used to tell me to always love who i am and surround myself with people who truley love me and care for me. i wish it was as easy as it sounds. how do you know that these people that you surround yourself around do care and want and wish for the best for you. trial and error i guess. but with all of the fucked up people in this world how do you know that your not just only fooling yourself?
right now in my life i want to progress with things with my job and my friends and my other relationships. i have pushed alot of people to the sidelines latley, i feel horrible and im sorry.unfortunately it is because i now know how it feels. sometimes i dont know what goes on in my own head. i dont want to take a step back or down from anything. im 22 and i am ready for anything that does come my way i guess.i have to be no other way around it.
so what do i want right now, i wish i could say.
if there is someone up there i wish i could have an explaination on the world and everything around us. why did this happen in my life and what significant purpose does it have berring on the rest of my future for me? was this the way that it was inteneded to be? or did i go wrong somewhere and go down a wrong path to make this the way it is? what the heck is wrong with me.
i admire the strength of some people. take my mother for instance battled stage 3 of breast cancer taking care of 4 kids 3 of them under the age of 12. while taking diligent care of her sister who was also battling cancer. HOW CAN SHE DO THAT? on her last month of radiation her sister passed. and there another importatnt woman in her life was also battling cancer ....my gandmother with ovarian cancer. love and loyalty makes you stand on two feet. now that those women have passed on due from cancer here she is still standing strong. driving to my grandfathers house in ledyard twice a week to take care of him. i swear if that was me i would have exploded by now. she is the strongest person i know.. and now to come to find out that there is a 50% chance that she has passed the cancer gene on to her daughters. she has the biggest heart i know. i wish i could be like her so much more than i already am. its amazing how wonderful some people are. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 29th, 2007|01:32 pm] |
Loyalty is faithfulness or a devotion to a person or cause.
Loyalty is also a commitment, in coherence agreeing to stand by a person/s and never walk away no matter how hard things get, and how difficult times are. Loyalty is knowing your true friends, and family, and loved ones, and standing by them until the last breath leaves your body.
penny for your thoughts. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2007|03:41 pm] |
i hate knowing more than i should
i wish i knew none if it
just tell me its a dream |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2007|04:11 pm] |
old creepy man in mall food court -"don't take any offense to this but you always seem to meet the most interesting people in the food court of the mall."
me and Delia just look at each other laugh, suddenly get really creeped out and just leave.
did not go to work today, my allergies have been bothering me the past couple of days and i really havent been able to process a thought. but today i feel so much better.
today sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nice out makes me very very very happy. music loud, windows down, and just singing at the top of my lungs who cares if people are looking....hahaha
must go clean ................................................
<3<3<3<3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2007|08:37 pm] |
why does it have to be this way?
im so fucking confused, do it or dont do
just tell me what the fuck to do
im just so confused
life shouldnt have to be this way
why does it suck so bad
ugh im tired of not knowing
feeling unwanted , unneeded
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i just want it all to end thats all i want the feeling i have inside of me is awful
empty and alone, it shouldnt have to be this way thats all i can think.....why me,
am i that awful and repulsive that i cant even get a full answer? inside.
all week i have accepted whats going on but this is all tearing up my insides
if you dont want me tell me
but if you do let me know
im not giving up until i know that there is no hope for us to continue to be together, i know the potential why dont you see it too? i know it.............................i guess i just dont fucking get it. somebody please save me...but this is someting i know we can work through.
somebody please save me..........anyone |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2007|06:23 pm] |
give me a hand here
this can work my dear
theres more love in my body for the two of us
to see you smile warms my heart
makes me feel complete
theres nothing more that i want for you to hold my hand
we can see ourselves though this one
nothing has to be like this
speak your mind
works been wicked slow latey its been nice to have a break every now and again.
i think everyone has some form of spring fever, tis the freaking season i guess. wether its lonliness, feeling unsure, uncomfortable, or just plain sad and upset. not one person i have talked to has said that they dont feel this way. i can not wait till it gets nice out hopefully the warmth and sunshine will bring us all back to life here. i cant wait to drive with my windows down singing at the top my my lungs, wearing flip flops, and not having to bundle up....hopefully those days are right around the corner bc I AM WAITING!!!! can not wait until its beach time and my cottage is open, i always say im going to go down there more but i never do. maybe if my crazy family wasnt down there all the time, id be down there more but we will see.
so by the end of may no more apartment here, theres so many factors right now, to many to even think. im getting my brain all un jumbled right now and thats enough for me currently.
lets just hope spring arrives soon so the winter dust can settle and we can all get back to our regular scheduled programming |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 31st, 2006|01:17 pm] |
obviously today is the last day of the year. and as i sit here i makes me think of this past year as a whole.
so much has happened.
i have met so many wonderful people and had to let go of ones that i dearly loved.
HIGHLIGHTS
Niel and i moved into our own apartment closer to our jobs. We did have wonderful times at the middletown apartment it was like a party every night. living with a couple of good friends was awesome we shared a love for law and order svu, scrubs and house.
We got our litte marie the attention whore but cute as hell.
I got fired from a shitty job, i will never go back to that profession.
I now work with a bunch of people that i LOVE Stef, Becca, Jon boy,Audrey, Ricky, Sandy that list can go on and on....
I have become closer with my momma and dad and my 3 little sister whom i know i would not be the same person with out them in my life.
And of course there are my obvious loves who i have shared goodtimes with this past year:Niel, Nat, Val, Marisa, K-mobil,Alicia. these people i would NOT trade for all of the money in the world.
in the past year i have also lost someone who i just can not come to accepting that they are gone, my grandmother i cant picture any holiday with out her. im in denial about her being gone now. im sure that she is very happy where she is. but i just have to keep in mind that she is looking down on all of her family and friends.
My new years resolution is to live more, laugh more, let go more and love more.
♥ im done with rambling now |
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| sick sad little world |
[Dec. 9th, 2006|06:44 pm] |
so the past few weeks have been hell for me
ive been trying to get over it and just thinking to myself im just going crazy. im about it move out i need to be shown affection in my life to know that everything is okay.
im done talking to you about it im done done and done..i really dont want anything more for christmas than for you to SHOW me that you are still in love with me.
you tell me its okay but then you hold me for one night so i can sleep but then the next day its like we never spoke a word about this.
you used to smile when you saw me and give me a hug and a kiss. now its like its too much to ask for.
i used to be a happy girl............now all i feel is broken.i just dont know what to do . |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2005|11:34 pm] |
i have a lovley new background....wahoo jess
o its pretty
ive been up to no good latley, hanging out iwth k-mobil at mobil and at her house
going offroading
going to show
getting yelled at by my father
hanging out with the boy
id have to admit today wasnt a great day, im hoping tomorrow goes better |
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| 77 and loving it |
[Dec. 22nd, 2004|02:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
its 77 degrees here, im loving it
im kinda sick so it really sucksi slept all day so far, i woke up had pop tarts then i took tylonoland i feel back asleep..now you know why i dont take things when i have a cold. bc i become a waste of life.
Nat dropped me off at the airport wicked early yesterday, so the lady was life you wanna leave at 5 instead of 630 so i said yea, i was stuck inbetween a guy with a thick southern accent and i guy with pickle fingers...they were HUGE. then from georgia to ft lauderdale i sat by myself and i enjoyed that, i didnt have to sit next to anyone or be bothered by anyone, a beautiful beautiful thing.
i didnt think i had anyone to pick me up, but as long as jon isnt working on monday he said he would pick me up...horray for being picked up.
hollywood airport was hell lastnight...i had to walk to my aunts car and dodging traffic at the same time...interesting
getting my tattoo tomorrow wahoo
pictures will come :)
jonny berube....i miss you too you need to come back down here for a show or something . o wait me and this girl abby i go to school with might be taking a road trip up to wedtfeild, bc she used to live there....ill call you and let you know more about that
i cant wait to see my niece, im so excited shes precious
<3 |
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